Trust is the base of any real relationship. When it’s broken—whether through infidelity, dishonesty or other breaches—it feels like the relationship is crumbling. We lose the ease and flow of feeling freedom with our partner, and it is replaced with apprehension, negative assumptions, hypervigilance, and a general unease about additional commitments to growth in the relationship. Rebuilding trust is not easy but it’s possible with dedication, communication and the right strategies.
Open and Honest Communication
One of the first steps to rebuilding trust is open and honest communication. Both partners need to feel safe to express their feelings, concerns and needs, and to listen with an open heart and open mind to what is being said. The partner who broke the trust needs to be transparent about their actions and be open to answering questions, while the partner who was hurt needs to feel free to express their pain and seek reassurance. The skill of reflective listening is essential to the effectiveness of communication. Seeking counselling support with regard to the development of this skill and to the practice of using it with one another, is likely a useful step if the couple does not have much experience in this area.
These conversations can be tough but necessary to move forward. Setting aside dedicated time for these conversations, free from distractions, will help both partners focus on really listening to each other. It’s also helpful to use “I” statements to express feelings without blaming, so the conversation doesn’t get defensive.
Consistent Actions and Accountability
Trust is rebuilt not just through words but through actions. The partner who broke the trust needs to show trustworthy behavior over time. This means keeping promises, being reliable and showing they are committed to making positive changes.
Accountability is also key. Taking responsibility for one’s actions without making excuses or blaming others is crucial in the process of rebuilding trust. This means being open to answering questions and providing reassurance as needed even if it’s uncomfortable.
Patience and Compassion
Rebuilding trust is a process that takes time and both partners need to be patient with each other. The partner who was hurt may need time to heal and it’s important to acknowledge that setbacks will happen along the way. Trust is rebuilt gradually, one step at a time and rushing the process can do more harm than good.
Compassion is key throughout this journey. Both partners need to show empathy towards each other’s feelings and experiences. The partner who broke the trust should offer real apologies and understand the pain they caused, while the partner who was hurt should try to see their partner’s efforts to make amends even if they still feel hurt.
Professional Support
Sometimes rebuilding trust requires a professional. Couples therapy can provide a neutral space for both partners to express themselves and work through issues with guidance. Therapists trained in methods like the Gottman Method or PREP (Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program) have specific tools and strategies to help couples rebuild trust.
Therapy can also address underlying issues that contributed to the breach of trust in the first place such as communication breakdowns or unmet emotional needs.
Rebuilding Intimacy and Connection
As trust is rebuilt it’s also important to reconnect emotionally and physically. Spend quality time together, do things you both enjoy and make an effort to be more present with each other. Rebuilding intimacy means being vulnerable with each other again. This can be tough especially after trust has been broken but it’s a necessary part of building a stronger, more connected relationship. Over time as trust is restored many couples find their relationship becomes even more resilient.
At NeurAlive, we understand that rebuilding trust is a complex and deeply personal journey. Our therapists are here to support you and your partner with compassionate guidance and proven strategies to help you move forward together.
